Fun with Pregnancy!

To all you Mother’s out there…I salute you!

I have met so many women who have told me their joys of pregnancy: how their skin glows, how thick their hair gets, their ability to eat for two, how much energy they have, how beautiful they feel, etc. I must say that everyone’s personal experience is different and I must confess I drew the short end of the straw. Here is my attempt to put humor into my situation.

A pregnancy poem:

As my precious baby grows in my womb, wondrous things continue to change about my body.

My blood flow increases to provide nutrients to my baby,

My organs shift about to make room for her growth,

My heart beats stronger and I can watch my belly grow.

Good-bye to my fruit cravings and welcome my unnatural love for hot sauce!

I love snuggling next to my husband as we lay down to sleep.

I love how quickly he falls into slumber and begins his unique, soft snore.

Unfortunately, it is amazing how I cannot control this abnormal giggling I have started.

And Kevin soon wakes un-amused at my humor, and to find I have wet the bed…again.

All you fathers out there who enjoy watching the glorious changes to your wife, have probably enjoyed your new ability to make your woman cry on command.

Go ahead and laugh now but you are the one who has to put up with us getting up every two hours to pee in the middle of the night.

Gone is my ability to run gracefully on the treadmill.

Now I huff and puff when I roll over in bed, like a fat kid running uphill chasing the ice cream truck.

When will I enjoy eating for two?

Now I do! Every one to two hours or woe is my nausea.

It is amazing this little thing is so large inside of me. 

Then I sneeze and realize where she is hiding…

Long gone is my ability to hide the gross noises a woman can make.

Hello ability to out belch my husband (but let us ignore the little “weasels”).

What happened to my craving for spinach salads with balsamic vinegar dressing?

Now I obsess over Hardee’s buffalo chicken tenders…stupid commercials!

Oh how I love to lounge and read books.

Oh how my body hates for me to sit still!

Where, oh where is my ability to converse? My eloquent execution, my perfect pronunciation, and my variable vocabulary have disappeared.

Here in its place, I have pregnancy brain and I forget…where was I going with that line?

I used to be a scholar, or at least that is how I remember it.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my baby already and can’t wait to see her, and this is why time has slowed down to the point of all minutes equaling an hour!

So, have fun all you beautiful, glowing, showing pregnant ladies who can wear cute pregnancy clothing and take adorable pictures of yourself!

I may be one of you now, but I doubt you will ever see a cute pregnancy photo of me!