Thursday, May 24, 2012

A Lesson in Control

  • Your body is made to have a baby, so you'll be fine.
  • Women have been having babies for thousands fo years, so you'll be fine.
  • The doctors know what they are doing, so you'll be fine.
  • You've had all the birthing classes, so you'll be fine.
  • Nature knows what it is doing, so you'll be fine.
Why don't I feel fine? All of my plans, my preparations, my ideas for childbirth are slipping out of my grasp and I am left with no sense of control. However, as I was reading one of my devotional books, I came across this verse:

"There is no wisdom, no insight, no plan that can succeed against the Lord." Proverbs 21:30

A perfect verse describing the complete control that belongs only to the Creator. Not that our plans were contrary to what is good but He has plans to show us an even bigger picture of who He is and how good He is, even through our experiences in pregnancy and childbirth. The more we try to do on our own, the less we see of Him.

I have fooled myself into believing that I could control everything. If I eat right, my family's history of diabetes will not cause me to have gestational diabetes. If I excercise regularally, I will be healthy and my heart rate will be perfect. If I do what all the prenatal books tell me to do, I will have the perfect pregnancy. If I take the birthing classes that reflect my ideas, I will have a natural birth. If I do my research, I can find the right doctor who will allow me have the birth I want. I have been hyper-focused on trying to control every minute detail. Eating healthy, exercising and doing my research on vaccines and doctors are all good things soon-to-be parents NEED do, but essentially I have been saying "God, let your will be done" and then leaning on my own understanding to make the decisions.

All along (especially these past 10 months of support raising), God has been molding me, teaching me, shaping me, and forming me...but when it came to pregnancy I have been fighting HIM for control. You would think I would have learned my lesson long ago! My focus has strayed from God and my need for Him in my life. I have been focusing on my wants, my desires, and my ideas and I have allowed my frustrations to take over my heart. My prayers were no longer prayers of thanksgiving for the miracle of our daughter, but were lists of demands to God!

Psalms 62:1 says, "My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from Him." God is my rock, my sword, my shield; God is my strength when I am weak; God is my all in all. He will not leave me, He will not foresake me. I must trust that He is in control and fill my heart with gladness that He loves me (even if my heart has gone temporarily astray)! How blessed am I to have such a forgiving savior!

1 comment:

  1. Oh to trust Him. Loved your post. Oh how we do think we can control all and try to do so, even though it is foolish thinking and doing. May we pray for each other as you are not alone in this battle to trust God. Mike Howard