Saying Good-bye

Back in August (on the 2nd to be exact), Kevin and I discovered we were pregnant. To say we were overjoyed would be a bit much. We were shocked but after the shock wore down, we became excited. The baby would be due mid-April when we were scheduled for furlough. We knew a great missionary midwife/OB-GYN locally who could do my prenatal care until we got to the US to deliver. We told Adah and began talking about the baby in my tummy. We planned our pregnancy announcement. Everything was beginning to feel comfortable. We could do this, we could be a family of 5!

Unfortunately, this was not to be. Friday, September 9th, I began experiencing contractions. They were rhythmic, every 3 minutes, and were definitely ones that required concentration. I began to fear every bathroom trip, expecting blood. The cramping/contractions lasted for half the night before they tapered off and I fell asleep. I woke feeling fatigued but better because there had been no blood. Perhaps it was a stomach bug? Either way, we messaged the missionary OB-GYN and began discussing a trip soon. All during that week, I rested as much as possible. I told our worker so that she could step up to help more with the kids. The week passed and I began to hope - hope the baby was growing, hope that I was not going to lose the baby, hope that all was okay.

On September 16th, my 35th birthday, I began spotting. I called Kevin in tears. I knew what was happening. We tried to plan a trip to Vanga where the midwife was located. It is a 1 1/2 hour flight or 14 hour drive. But Monday, the 19th was going to be a day of planned protest/civil unrest. We were grounded and could not leave the city. Traffic was worse than usual that Friday with people preparing for the upcoming day of civil unrest. The following morning Kevin and the other guys had to go to work to get the airplanes inside and locked up. But he and the program manager hurried home right after and took me to a hospital. He happened to know an expat OB-GYN who recommended a doctor that met us there.

At 3:00 PM our ultrasound revealed our lost baby. Instead of a 10 week and 3 day old baby, we saw the uterus measuring barely measuring 6 weeks and 3 days and a baby even smaller. The baby had died a while ago but my body was having difficulties letting go. When we lost our first baby, my body also had difficulties letting go. I lost the baby on a Wednesday evening but the placenta did not detach completely and for 4 days I suffered labor before going to the ER for an emergency D&C. As the realization hit the baby was gone, along with our dreams and plans for this baby, we quickly realized we had to make a decision.

We called our friend Shannon, missionary OB-GYN and told her what we discovered and she gave us our options. We could take a pill that would induce labor, to speed up the miscarriage process. If the pill does not work the first time, a second dose can be administered. Knowing what I experienced the first time, I could not accept birthing at home or risk bleeding out knowing that all hospitals would be inaccessible in a few days. The other option was an emergency D&C, like before. Without hesitation, I chose the D&C. I had no time to think as we all (including the doctor) piled into our truck and drove across town to another facility to do a surgery. Within an hour after arriving, everything was over and I was recovering (I will not go into details about surgery since it is a bit too much information). We were home by bedtime.

When we lost our first baby, the loss felt greater. I came home with an empty womb and empty arms. This time, I came home to hugs, kisses, and a baby/toddler asking to be nursed. Yes my womb was empty and my heart hurt, but my arms were full.

Over the next few days, we were blessed by so many people. Families brought us food, offered to watch our kids so I could rest, and I had counseling from so many women who have gone through this before. One of the things that I have learned to help mourn a lost child is to give the child a name. We named our first child Madeline. She was loved dearly for the little time we had her. This child's name was Peter and he was loved during his time with us.

As time went by, some days were easier than others. The hard days were the days Adah asked why Peter died or when I will have a new baby in my tummy. They say talking is supposed to help but some days it hurt too much to explain these things to my child. Other days were miserable seeing pregnant friends and new babies on Facebook.  But now, I feel that enough time has gone by that I can say that I have mourned. I have said my good-byes.

I want to personally thank each and every person who helped us. The people who cooked, the people who called, the people who watched the kids, the people who did Facetime with us, the people who sent private messages and emails, the people who counseled us (medically and mentally), the people who cried with us, the people who prayed for us and with us, and the people who comforted us.

Blast From the Past Part 4

Here is the last of the re-caps of our Technical Evaluation. Some of the friends we met during this process have become much closer friends, who we would spend a lot of time with at Candidacy and the Ministry Partnership seminar. Enjoy!

               Friday morning came and I was certain we would have to go back to East TN needing to do more training before we would be accepted. Glory and grace to God, the instructor said I actually did very well. There were a few things he said I needed to work on, but I knew about theses areas, mainly navigating with only compass, map and clock. At no point in the cross country was I lost, I knew where I was all the time (although the one “airport” was a different story-but I never lost sight of obvious landmarks), but I relied very heavily on only one method of navigation called pilotage, and all but ignored another method called Deduced Reckoning.  Hey, I was recommended technically for the next step, I was tickled to death. Scott said a prayer, we took some pictures and I went back to the apartment to wait until our next meeting with the head of Ministry Partnership. We met with him for an hour and he talked about all that was required for fundraising. We have a book to read and a bible study to do, and come up with a list of 200 people and as many churches as possible so that MAF can send information regarding Ministry partnership (i.e. prayer and financial support)

               After the Ministry Partnership meeting, we met with the candidate committee for the second time. They asked us how our two weeks had been, what we had seen and learned, how Tasha was feeling and spent some time getting to know us a little better. They asked more specifically about how our meeting with Dr. Bennet went. He had actually not given them his report yet, but after telling them what he talked about, they felt there would be no issues. We were accepted to the next step with MAF, which is candidacy. This will begin July 11 and will last roughly 5 weeks. The first two weeks will be Candidacy, where we learn more about MAF as an organization, the ministry opportunities available, where they go, what they do, who they are, and things like that. At that point we sign on the dotted line and begin. It is then we will have officially quit our jobs (Our last day will be July 8th, 2011) and upon official acceptance (98% of families that get as far as we have are accepted) we will be on the MAF payroll and insurance.

     Then we will go through a two week fund raising seminar.  We also found out our new friends who came to the TE at the same time we did, Pete and Joy Neal, also got accepted. That night we joined several other families for a pizza party and movie. We packed that night and left for the airport at 3:30 AM the next morning. On the flight back, I reflected about all the families we met there preparing just as we are to go overseas and serve. It is truly amazing to see how God has prepared these families all over the United States with so many different backgrounds, and brought them together just because of one man two thousand years ago. As exciting as the process is, it is sobering to think that our job is necessary because a group of people needs our help so desperately and humanity truly cannot take care of itself without a God that truly loves us.

          It was an amazing two weeks. We were both put under stress many couples do not go through together. They do this for several reasons. One is so they can see how we behave under stress, and how we behave long term, rather than just a one day interview. Two, they do this so we can learn about ourselves and lean on each other and God. We both relied on each other heavily for support, strength and encouragement.  Tasha was such a blessing to me the entire time. Even with nausea, she gave me the courage and motivation to keep going and do my best. We both learned how crucial trust in each other is, and more importantly, trust in the Lord. Through this experience He has solidified and re-enforced our calling to missions.

     The bar is set high with MAF, and they require a very complete set of skills for the job, not just in the pilot and mechanic, but in the wife too. I know for sure I wouldn't be here without Tasha supporting and pushing me to do my best and keep going. I am even more confident I would not have even been accepted (much less even thought about going to the interview) without a loving wife, and the grace, mercy and love of Our Lord. We are confident that these are the good works that Paul talks about in Ephesians 2:10 "for We are Gods workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do". From our perspective, we can see how God has led us through different struggles and situations to allow us to grow and gain abilities that have taken us to this point. It is nothing to do with us or who we are, but it has everything to do with God and who He was, is and will be.

    We are so grateful for all of the prayers on our behalf and give thanks to God for everyone who prayed for us. Please continue to pray as we have much to do and little time to do it before we leave again in July. Pray that our child continues to grow, and that mother and child will be healthy when it gets here. Tasha is about 10 weeks along and is due December 14th. God's timing is perfect once again. We will be able to be together throughout the whole pregnancy and birth and will get some time to raise the baby stateside with the help of the family for about 6 months.

  (Editors Note: we suffered a miscarriage shortly after this, but God is faithful.  He gave us another not long after and she got to spend her first 3 months with both sets of grandparents after them. The miscarriage was not easy, but actually cleared our minds about some decisions we needed to make and we praise God for his care over us) 

They say fundraising takes about 13 months, which puts our time to ship out for language school in our country-probably Indonesia- around August of 2012. 

(Editors Note: Because we were in fact assigned to the Democratic Republic of Congo, we still “shipped out” in August 2012, but instead of going to our assigned country, our language school was actually in Canada. We are looking at entering active field service in October of 2013. Our friends who did go to Indonesia are going through language school now and will enter active field service about the same time)

For more information, or entertainment, on MAF visit www.MAF.org  http://www.maf.org/   or  http://www.youtube.com/  and search for Mission Aviation Fellowship.  There are hours of video of jungle flying, landings at remote airstrips, and people reached more efficiently and safely because of Gods work through MAF.

Pray that Gods will be done through us and that we will see clearly where He leads us.

Praise Him in all things. His love endures forever!